


What do we know

by Tyralthedark



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Cheating, Child Neglect, Depression, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Post-Death in the Family, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Recreational Drug Use, Self Confidence Issues, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:56:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2261916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyralthedark/pseuds/Tyralthedark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A highschool AU where I make these kids face magnified versions of their already existent issues. As well as any other issues I glue on to them woops. Chapters take place in perspective of different characters, mostly just Karkat, Terezi, and Vriska, but others are planned in the future, especially Nepeta. First real story i've continued working on and posted anywhere so wee writing styles could change drastically for all we know.</p><p>I'm baaaaaaaaaack</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Intro: Vriska

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Karkat!”

He’s ignoring you?

“Kaaaaaaaarkat!”

Look at me you frumpy little…

“KARK8T!!!!!!!!”

“WHAT IN THE UNHOLY FUCK DO YOU WANT YOU BULGE LICKING SCORPION?”

“Wow rude! I just wanted to talk to you!”

“Yeah well maybe I don’t want to talk to you? Have you thought about that? Actually, I doubt it, because I’m pretty god-damned sure you don’t think of anything but yourself.” Oh what.

“Come on Karkles I went out of my way to come see you~ and talk to you~, don’t you know how significant that is? I’m a busy girl, and taking time out of my schedule just for you is a big deal!!!!!!!!”

“WELL BY ALL MEANS DON’T LET ME DERAIL YOU FROM YOUR VERY IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITIES! God forbid you miss your Three-o-clock with the homeless guy at the bridge! If YOU don’t laugh at his misfortune, WHO WILL??”

You’re shocked by what he just said. You just stand and stare at him, your eyes wide, and teeth clenched. Where the hell did that come from?? He’s never even met you! You’ve never even talked to him before this! Is this how fuckin EVERYONE sees you you at this point? No, this is just Terezi’s bullshit. She’s made him believe this shit, and now her great fuckin boyfriend here thinks you’re the goddamn antichrist or some shit. You let out an exasperated sigh. She just had to make it so~ hard for you to take him from her.

“Hey, come on, why would you even say something like that? Isn’t that a little harsh for someone you don’t even actually know?” You say this with as much hurt in your voice as you can. I mean, it’s not dishonest hurt, but still.

“YEAH, WELL, YOUR REPUTATION PRECEDES YOU.” He spits out beginning to leave.

“You d8n’t even KNOW me!!!!!!!!” you scream out after him. FUCK HIM. What an asshole, what does she even see in him? Fuck, you don’t even care, you walk through the halls glaring ice at anyone who locks eyes with you. Bunch of trite fuckups, all out to get you. You march over to your locker and twist in your combination, and jesus fuck does something reek. Before you can even wonder what it is, it hits you. Pretty literally in fact, as you open your locker.

TRASH, AND FRUIT, AND…MEAT? IS THAT AN OPEN CONTAINER OF MILK??? THIS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING WHAT THE HOLY FUCKING HELL????

You scream and almost vomit as trash and rotting food pours out of your locker. It barely takes a second for the uproar of laughs and bellows to come. People have surrounded you, laughing and pointing. Some snarl with delight, while others quickly walk away. Your backpack is completely ruined at this point, so you start scooping the filth into it to make cleanup a little faster.

This isn’t even odd anymore, and it comes to no surprise that no one tries to help. These shit licking assholes can only get off on taking down someone way better than them, and you’ve learned to accept that. You find the dick with the biggest shit eating grin and huck what used to be your favorite backpack at him. He dodges and everyone walks away, some still laughing. You don’t give half a fuck at this point. Another wonderful day ruined by everyone else. You spend your night dodging questions about that smell, or where your spidergirl backpack is, until you finally fall the fuck asleep.

\-----------------

“OH MY GOD VRISKA, GO AWAY, JUST LET ME FUCKIN EAT.”

“I just want to talk to you! Why are you pushing me away????????”

“Oh gosh, you’re right, here have a seat. Would you like me to lay down under the table? So you can PUT YOUR BOOTS ON MY HEAD WHILE YOU SIT?”

It was lunch, and the second day Terezi had been absent, and you didn’t know how much longer she’d be gone. If you were gonna get him to talk to you and at least treat you like a normal fuckin person you had to make it happen fast. You sit across from him with a pout and start to play with your food.

“You know you shouldn’t just believe everything you hear about me without at least getting to know me..” Make him feel bad, guilt him into at least listening, “Lots of people enjoy my company and I’m sure you would too!” You give him your slyest, most playful wink, putting a hook in him you’re sure he can’t remove.

“OH YEAH PEOPLE LOVE YOU. It really showed yesterday when garbage poured out of your locker and EVERYONE STOOD AROUND LAUGHING AT YOU.”

You blush and look down; you’re embarrassed he had seen that. Your embarrassment turns to anger as you wonder if he had been in the crowd as well, laughing at what they did to you, just because…they were jealous. So what if a few petty assholes hated you, and so what if everyone laughed instead of helping you; fuck all of them. Every single one of them doesn’t deserve to even know you.

“Who gives a shit about that? Those assholes are just jealous that they can’t be friends with someone like me. They just know that I’m better, that they can’t even compare! If they don’t like the way I am, that’s their problem!”

“Do you even have any friends?”

That hit you like a truck. Of course you have friends. Why WOULDN’T you have friends?!

“I have PL8NTY of friends!!!!!!!! They all love me! They think I’m GR8T. If everyone else doesn’t like me then that’s TH8IR problem, not MINE. I SHOULDN’T Have to change who I am to make people like me…” You trail off because you can feel a lump building in your throat. You’re yelling right in the cafeteria, you don’t even know if you’re just yelling at Karkat, or the world. You’ve made a complete fucking fool of yourself and you need to leave. Karkat is up before you even grab your tray; you can’t decipher the look on his face. He just turns the fuck around and leaves of COURSE, way to FUCKING GO Serket.

“You’re right, you shouldn’t.” He stops and says before making his way out of the lunch room. You stare after him, not sure what to actually think of that. Was he actually agreeing with you, or was he just being an ass again? The question sticks in your head for the rest of the day. You lay in bed thinking it over. You grab your friend Silky, a cerulean spider plush doll you’ve had for years, and hold it close. Across the room on the floor you see one of your old school notebooks, the front drawn on and covered in crude remarks and slurs. You keep it to remind you that you’re better than all of the people who put them there.

\-----------------

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO GODDAMN ADAMANT ABOUT TALKING TO ME, SWEET FUCKIN CHRIST.”

“A girl can’t try and make new friends? Why are you so adamant about it not happening????????”

“YOU KNOW WELL AND GOOD WHY.”

“What, Pyrope? You’re gonna let her tell you what to do? I thought you had more balls than that buddy!”

“She doesn’t tell me to do anything. Oh, and, SHES BACK BY THE WAY.” God shitting fuck.

Next thing you know a cane slams sidelong into your leg and you cuss in pain. There she is, glowering at you, or rather your general area, empty, blind eyes that don’t even have to meet yours to communicate their passionate dislike for you. She grabs at your jacket and drags you out into the hallway, cane swinging every which way, swatting people as she goes. She tosses you towards the wall and takes her “confidence” stance, feet apart, both hands on top of the dragon head of her cane. Chin help high up in the air and an overall look of superiority. You wanted to smack her across the face right there.

“What do you think you’re doing? Talking to him just because I’m not here, playing the sweet girl, trying to get on his good side. What the fuck do you think you’re up to?”

“You shut your goddamned mouth you spiteful little lizard. I can talk to whomever I please, and I don’t have to expl8in JACK SHIT to you!!!!!!!! Fuckin blind CUNT.”

You watch her seethe, and think, trying to come up with something to pin on you, something to judge you with. Trying to find a motive, and lay down the law, like she’s in some stupid fuckin cop show.

“If you so much as breathe in a way that would cause him trouble I will not hesitate to shove my cane so far up your ass you’ll WISH for the death penalty.” That’s fuckin gross.

“Why the hell do you think I’m going to hurt him? I don’t have a single thing against that frumpy little asshole.”

“BULLSH1T!” she cries out. She takes a deep breath and reclaims her composure. “Do you think I’m a complete idiot? I may be blind but I can see your game, Serket. Ever since we broke up you’ve been going out of your way to trash my shit, and fuck me over. Just ruining my life everyday wasn’t enough, now you’re going to try and fuck him over too!”

“Oh, please Terezi, do you really think I’d pull someone else into this? I mean goooooooosh it’s not his fault he found himself in the middle! He just picked the wrong side is all, and I think I should put him on the right path! It’s just, the right, thing, to do.” You say with the most poisonous voice you can muster.

“You. You. YOU B1TCH. You think you can T4KE H1M FROM M3???” She’s losing it.

“And why the fuck not???????? God, its p8nfully obvious he’s just settling! Whatever he sees in you I don’t think I can even f8thom, I mean, he defin8tely isn’t staying for LOOKS. These days you look like something a crocodile threw up on the river b8nk! You always try to dress cute and doll yourself up, but half the time your m8keup is just a fuckin mess, not that it hides that shit stack you call a face! If you could fuckin see yourself in the mirror when you woke up, you’d vom8t every time, and you pro8a8ly wouldn’t 8e such a fat 8itch! Y8U AND YOUR STUCK UP PERS8NALITY PRO8A8LY MADE HIM FEEL SO 8AD HE HAD TO J8ST T8KE **PITY** ON YOU!!!!!!!!” That was when you got slapped hard across the face.

Tears were pouring down her cheeks. Her face was puffy and red, and she was huffing, trying to hold herself together. You put your hand to the cheek she just struck, and it stung. She was shaking, leaning against her cane, like her legs were about to give. You, you just snapped, you started yelling, and you only just realized how far you went. She ran, tripping and running into things, barely trying to find out where she was going. Oh god, you’re sorry, you didn’t mean all that, it was too much…but…there’s nothing you can do now, what’s done is done, and damn have you done it. You dust yourself off and make your way to the next class.

After last bell you make your way to your locker. A note falls out as you open it.

“Kill Urself”

Golly. That’s a new one. As you crumple it up, the intercoms boom through the hallway calling you to your English classroom. You head over through a crowd of snickers and sneers and enter the room to see your mother sitting across from your teacher. She looks livid, and you think you know why.

“Vriska, do you know why I’m here?” She asks you, with an icy glare. You shrug and sit down in the nearest chair, your eyes at the windows.

“Miss Serket it’s really not so big a deal, she gets such good grades it hardly effects everything els-“

“A “B”. You got a “B” on your last test Vriska. LOOK AT ME. Barely adequate, Vriska. That’s what a “B” is, and you know what is expected of you, Vriska.” Fuck off.

At your house, you’re told every day to be better, to be MORE than everyone else. Since you’re a Serket, that’s supposed to be true. A rich family with old money and connections across the country couldn’t be anything less than perfect. Should a child, say, you, not be able to uphold the standard of the “perfect daughter” she may as well not be a Serket.

“You’re sister had perfect grades when she went here you know.” YEAH I FUCKIN KNOW. “She was Valedictorian and class president! Everyone loved her, but you…oh Vriska, you’re turning out to be such a disappointment.” THANKS MOM.

You hear it all the way home for the thousandth time, about Aranea and how perfect she is; that you should aspire to be just like her. You get to listen to her tell you how terrible you are, and that you embarrass the family far too often. You don’t give a shit; you head straight to your room and lock your door after slamming it closed. You grab silky and hold him as tight as you can as tears roll down your face. You hear the word “Disappointment” in your head over and over while you cry yourself to sleep.


	2. Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These things go in perspective of characters for now. Probably gonna stay that way? Dunno.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1: Karkat

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7:30 you get to school, still thinking about what happened last Friday. Vriska was getting chewed out pretty damn bad, as far as you could tell. That stuck up bitch didn’t seem to fall far from the tree, her nose in the air holier-than-fuckin-god attitude apparently gets taught to those fuckers.

You make your way into the library and head straight to the back. You find your favorite table, and FUCK EVERYTHING WHY IS SHE AT YOUR TABLE?!?! WHAT SHIT-TIER POWER THAT BE THOUGHT IT’D BE A GREAT IDEA TO actually no, this is fine. You walk over to the seat opposite of hers and you throw your shit down on the table. You elicit no response from her.

“Hey.” You bark out. Nothing

“HEY.” You snap. Oh NOW she doesn’t wanna fuckin talk to you.

“SPIDER-BITCH I SAID HEY.”

“WH8T DO YOU FUCKIN WANT?!” Her eyes were puffy, and she looked exhausted.

“You don’t think there’s anything I’d hunt you down and talk to you for? ANYTHING AT ALL you can think of?”

“Just leave me alone, you asshole…” Now she’s not looking at you again.

“…Do you know how long she cried?” A sharp intake of breath, but just more silence.

“Do you even understand what the shit you say means to her? DO YOU REALIZE THAT ANYTHING YOU TELL HER SHE WILL TAKE COMPLETELY TO HEART??? BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WERE TO HER???”

“SH8T UP, FUCK Y8U!”

“WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FUCK WITH HER?? YOU TREAT HER LIKE SHIT AND HARRASS HER AT EVERY TURN! There was nothing more she wanted than to still be friends.”

You think she blubbers out some slur at you, you can’t tell through the sobbing and hiccupping. Look at this piece of work. She knows exactly what she’s done, and she’s in fucking hysterics. It’s like her hardwiring is fighting against her actual humanity and regardless of what wins, she loses. Fuck, FUCK, okay, you’ll try to make her stop.

“Hey, okay, shit, come on, don’t cry.”

“Mnot cr-ing..” Fuuuck.

““ _The_ _Vriska Serket”_ is in tears? What happened to the stone cold queen?”

She wipes her nose on her sleeve and looks up.

“What’s so damn gr8t about _Vriska Serket_? A stuck up bitch who can’t even get over herself long enough to cry alone where she won’t be a fucking embarrassment? A fucked up lunatic who tore apart the first person to accept her for what a crazy asshole she is? She sounds like a cunt to me..” You can’t just let it be, fuck you Karkat.

“That Vriska probably grew up in a fucked up house, with a fucked up family.” She shoots a questioning glare at you. “…I was waiting outside the classroom for you to come out so I could tear you apart like you deserved. I got to hear your mother’s opinion of you, and your role in the family.” Her lips start trembling and her eyes are welling up again. “Maybe it’s not my place to say, but that Vriska is a cold-hearted bitch who deserves to be hit with everything the world has to offer, but…that doesn’t seem to be who I’m looking at right now. The girl in front of me is a mess with guilt over something she’s done. A girl who can acknowledge what she’s done as wrong, and wishes she never did it. I hope.”

“Yeah, well, wishes can’t just come true can they? Hahahaha, you don’t even fucking know! Growing up with that family has been total hell. I don’t know how they haven’t just thrown me out yet! Shit, I wouldn’t DARE tell them I had been dating a girl, much less a BLIND one. Having that kind of relationship with a “defective person” would be a smear on “The Family”. I couldn’t make ANY mistakes, I had to grow up to be perfect for them, and you know what? I’m an absolute, completely perfect fuck up.”

“My mom died when I was three.”

She looks at you, shocked and confused.

“My father raised me alone. He loved me as much as he could, to make up for her missing half. He met another woman and remarried when I was ten. That woman and I never quite got along. We didn’t hate each other, we didn’t like each other, we just sort of acknowledged the other as someone who was going to be there from now on. Six months later my father died in a car accident, and I was left with her. She didn’t make me leave, and actually took over as my sole guardian. She ran her own business, a moderately successful one at that, so she could afford me. We still never talked though. She ignored me, even if I tried. She never gives me anything, but never asks for anything either. I work part-time to get the money I have for everything. I see her maybe once a day, and she’s never asked where I was or what I had done. She’s never seen my grades before either. I think she just let me stay because she figures it’s all she could do for him after he left. So…I guess what my point is, is that yeah, I have no idea what your life is like. I’ve never had anything expected of me, good or bad. No one watches my grades, my money, my friends, or my future. It’s just been me, taking care of me. So, yeah, I have no idea what you could be going through.”

All the while you said this she just stared intently, sniffling sometimes. When you finished your little life story, there was just silence. Her eyes had fallen to the table, with a focused look, like she was thinking. Then after the long, awkward as shit nothingness, she says, “Wow…you must be pretty incredible huh?”

“….What’s incredible about me?”

“I think…I think if I was left to my own devices I’d have failed school by now. I’d be hanging out with some bad people, doing some worse things. I think if I had to make my own life, I’d make it pretty shitty. So…I guess I’m saying I think you’re pretty incredible for what you’ve done. With what you got. If that’s not weird to say. Sorry.”

You uh, you never really thought you’d hear something like that from Vriska. You don’t think you’ve actually heard that ever, from anyone. You’d never thought much of what you’ve just…had to do.

“Yeah well, if I was in your shoes, I’d probably have killed someone by now. I don’t think I’d trade you, sorry to say.”

She snorts a bit at that. A smile found its way back to her face. Okay, well, it’s like a smirk, but still, whatever.

“Why did you tell me something like that? I thought you were gonna tear me apart for what I did.”

“I was gonna, but you were just such a goddamn mess earlier, I didn’t want the janitor to have to clean this table any more than he had to.”

“Shut up!!!!!!!! Asshole..” Now she’s blushing. Hell, she’s just a fuckin dork. The bell rings and you grab your shit and start to go. “Hey Karkat?”

“What.”

She looks down and bites her lip before asking very, annoyingly quietly, “Do you think maybe we could sit together and talk like this again tomorrow morning…?” and you consider it for a few seconds.

“Maybe.”

\-----------------

Your alarm goes off, at 6 in the morning. You set it early so you could get to school and make it to the library. Why, in god’s name, you actually went out of your way to do this eludes you. As you head down stairs you see your “mother” heading out the door. You catch eyes for just a second before she continues on her way. “Have a nice day, too”, you say to yourself as you enter the kitchen and begin brewing some coffee. You don’t think you’ll be able to deal with Vriska if you don’t have any coffee. Once again you have no idea why you even plan to deal with Vriska. If Terezi were to know she’d have a cow. You’d be hanging from the gym rafters before school was out, and you’d deserve it. That may be a gross exaggeration, but still.

As you walk to the back of the library you see her, playing with a pen. When she notices you her face lights up like fireworks, then instantly disappears as she looks away. She very clearly didn’t want you to have noticed that, and..it was fucking adorable? As you take your seat she nonchalantly acknowledges you. She is so full of shit, it’s unbelievable.

“I knew you’d show up, there’s no way you’d turn me down.” She says with a pompous smirk that pisses you off. You’d been having second thoughts this whole time and she’s about to help you make your decision.

“Excuse me?” you say dryly.

“Well I asked you to come and you played it off all cooooooool and whatever, but I mean come on, it was ME asking of course.” There we go.

“Yeah okay you know what? This was a mistake, go fuck yourself.” You get up to leave and her face sinks. Her eyes shoot around as she thinks of something to say. You barely start to walk away when all you hear is,

“Please!”

And you stop. You turn and look at her. She’s standing up and staring at you with fear in her eyes.

“Please don’t leave, I’m sorry, I was being stupid and pompous and, and, I was an asshole but I’m nervous and I didn’t expect you to come and I was embarrassed about how happy I was so I hid it but I’m sorry please don’t…” She’s retreating back into herself. You can’t believe this, and you can’t believe yourself when you sit back down. She looks at you still unsure of herself.

“Well? I’m here still right? Come on.” She lets out a small sniffle and sits down.

“Thank you..”

“Yeah, whatever, so…what do you want?” She stares at you a little then looks around the room, it seems like she’s collecting her thoughts.

“I wanna get to know you better.” What does that even mean? What the fuck?

“Uhhh..?”

“I mean, like…I wanna know why you work so hard. Like, why you put so much effort into your future, why you chose the path you’re on. If I didn’t always have eyes over my shoulder, I would do whatever the hell I wanted! I wouldn’t go to school, I’d fool around all the time, I’d hurt people who deserved it…hell I’d probably end up hurting people who didn’t. I would use people for my own gain, and I wouldn’t even think twice about it!”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“I said BULLSHIT! You really think you wouldn’t feel bad doing those things? That you wouldn’t care about YOURSELF? I don’t mean to overstep my bounds here, but I’m pretty sure even the fucked up shit you do now is just a product of your shitty upbringing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re not that kind of person. You wouldn’t just do that sort of shit left to your own devices.”

“…and you say that because..? Why exactly would you know that?”

“I know that because that’s what I’ve heard from Terezi, Jesus fuck.”

Her eyes fire open wide, and her jaw falls down a bit. She stares at you, completely bewildered.

“What do you mean..?”

“Oh my fucking god, ARE YOU THAT DENSE?! TEREZI SAYS SO MUCH GOOD SHIT ABOUT YOU. SHE’S THE FIRST TO COME TO YOUR DEFENSE ALL THE FUCKING TIME. SHIT, I’VE  ONLY EVER HEARD HER PRAISE YOU FOR SOME FUCKED UP REASON.”

“W8t, hold on! If that’s true then why were you so fuck8n sure I was such an awful 8itch????????”

“BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN SUCH AN AWFUL BITCH TO HER EVEN THOUGH SHE THINKS SO DAMNED HIGHLY OF YOU!!! GOD FUCKING SHIT,” You take a long deep breath, “As far as I understood from your actions, I had no reason to believe what she said about you. Truth is? I’m still not sure.”

She’s staring down at the table now. You don’t think she’s crying but she’s definitely not okay.

“Yeah. I don’t blame you. I’ve been a pretty awful shitbag. Throwing these huge fits, assaulting her…I just…she left me. And I still loved her. And…I couldn’t stop, and it hurt. So I thought it would be easier to hate her instead. I couldn’t ever really hate her though. Damned if I didn’t find a way to hate myself even more though, huh? Hahaha!” There was a half dead smile on her face. She was disgusted with herself more than even you were. That wasn’t right, no one should hate themselves like that. You decided, like a TOTAL ASSHOLE, that you’d try to fix that.

“I’m really glad you know?”

She looks up at you confused. “Why?”

“I was certain you were just a terrible, heartless bitch. Maybe Terezi was right though, you seem to be a good person. You care, and you hate what you’ve done, from what I understand. You have a heart, and it..might be a decent one at that. People fuck with you all the time, and they attack you, but you’ve never done anything against them. You attack yourself though, and uh…I really wish you wouldn’t. I’d…like to be your friend Vriska, I want to help you work towards the person you want to be, uh, if you’ll let me?” There you go. You said it, and it was a little embarrassing. You let out a nervous laugh and smile as best you can. She…blushes, tears coming up in her eyes. She starts laughing and wipes the tears away, and looks at you with a bright smile.

“I’ve never seen you smile before Karkles, you’re pretty handsome.”  And she says like she means it, like what the hell? You can’t just say that to someone what the fuck. You’re getting pissed at yourself because of the pressure you feel in your chest. You shouldn’t be feeling that, not even a little. It’s bad, it’s really, really bad. Maybe you shouldn’t hang around her too much for now. You’re starting to notice how…pretty Vriska is. Like, really pretty. Beautiful even. Wow, Fuck, you should limit how much you’re around her, it’s just an infatuation, and you’ll get over it soon. Just don’t hang around her too much.

The bell rings and you pull your shit together. You say goodbye to Vriska and head out when

“Karkat! Um…”

“Yeah?”

“Can we?  I mean…you wanna meet up again tomorrow morning..?”

…

…

“Maybe.”

\-----------------

This is the second week now you’ve been showing up to school early. In the back of the library she cackles like a witch when you finish your story.

“I can’t fucking believe that swim team douchebag just grabbed your ass like that!”

“Yeah, well it’s not like he even remembers doing it after splitting his thick skull.”

You’ll never cease to be amazed at how easy it is to bond with someone over stories about Eridan. It’s uncanny, and the best part is, almost everyone has at least one story.

“You didn’t even get in trouble for it though????????”

“Well no one saw me push him, so they thought he just slipped, and he couldn’t remember jack shit afterwards.”

When she smiles her lips almost naturally curl into a snarl. It’s vicious looking, almost animalistic. Not to even mention way hotter than it should be? Like, it stirs something in your gut, and STOP JUST STOP. WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS THIS IS WRONG. YOU AREN’T EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO HER STORY AND. AND. And oh my fucking god she makes her own sound effects. She makes her own sound effects and like, pretends she’s got invisible props? You are completely sucked into this story, her words are flying out like bullets and you can’t stop watching her.

She notices you staring at her intently and immediately puts her arms down, blushing furiously.

“Geez Karkles, staring at a girl like that’ll make her feel self-conscious..” She laughs brushing her hair out of her eyes.

“NO I WASN’T, LIKE, STARING, I WAS JUST. YOU. YOU’RE UH.” Talk TALK TALK ASSHOLE JUST USE WORDS BREATHE SWEET LORD.

“You’re just, very good at..telling stories.” FUCK YEAH GOOD JOB SHIT LORD DAMN. Yeah just sit there and snicker you adorable bitch. JUST BITCH. NOT ADORABLE FUUCK.

“Gosh Karkat calm down, it’s okay! Do you always get flustered like this?” SHES STILL SNICKERING.

“SHOVE IT YOU POISONOUS ARACHNID. DON’T PUSH ME.”

“No I’m not trying to tease you! I just thought it was, um…a 8it cute..” Oh come ON don’t bite your finger and look away! It’s like she’s trying IS SHE TRYING???? IS THIS ON PURPOSE??? DOES SHE LIKE YOU TOO???

TOO??????? NO THERE IS NO TOO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH YOU CAN’T ANYMORE.

You fire up out of your seat, half muttering something about the bell when she grabs your sleeve. You whip around to see her staring at you with pleading eyes.

“Please, Karkat, I’m sorry okay, don’t be upset with me..” Caught in a web. You’re caught in a web.

“I…I’m not upset with you. Just me. Don’t worry about it. I need to go.”

“Karkat look at me.” You do.

“What’s wrong?”

“What is it to you.”

“I can’t let this be one sided, I want to help you too.” Don’t say that.

“Thanks. But…it’s not…Its..” She’s right there. You look into her eyes and you can feel your face burning up. And she immediately understands.

And she kisses you.

And you let her.

You both stare for a bit, and you turn to leave. Before you round the corner she says it.

“Same time tomorrow?”

…

…

…

“Maybe.”


	3. Terezi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terezi's turn. Gets a little harsher. Keep in mind if you're reading this far, that as these chapters apparently go from person to person, so information is not universal, and none of them are acting off of the whole story

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Terezi

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Class. Class class classsssss. The teacher lectures on something about variables but you aren’t actually listening. Your recorder is in your hands. It’s in your hands because you’re playing with it, it isn’t actually on. You can’t focus on the lesson, you just keep thinking about what Nepeta said to you. Rather, about what she suggested, she never actually told you anything. She simply said that maybe you should talk to Karkat about your relationship? Why would she even say that? It’s obvious to anyone with half a clue that she’s had a crush on him for years. Could it be jealousy? Some lame attempt to drive a wedge between you two? Absolutely not, completely absurd, Nepeta is a sweetheart who’d never do such a thing. Then what was it about?

The teacher throws a piece of chalk at Gamzee, who was fast asleep. Sollux chuckles next to him. You remember Sollux and Karkat recently having a big fight, though you never did find out what it was about. Could it have been about the same thing? What was the thing though? Why will no one tell you? Karkat himself has been acting a bit odd; he won’t even look at you when he talks. Perhaps he thinks you can’t tell when he starts speaking to the ground, or a nearby wall? Why the avoidance though? This is driving you insane. You will find out what is happening, even if you have to get your hands dirty. Not that you really expect to, nor do you truly suspect this whole thing is of terribly real consequence. A nagging feeling remains though, a small twinge of fear.

The list of suspects to interrogate is small, so it should be quick. If Karkat is hiding something, he’ll tell you everything if you present him with foreknowledge of whatever it is, otherwise he’ll stay sealed up tight. You decide to talk to Nepeta first.

You go to the art room to see if she’s there, and she is, because she almost always is at lunch. You call out to her and she calls back excitedly, but that’s it. After that it’s only silence.

“…Nepeta?”

“I’m still here..”

“Oh, good, I thought you evaporated. How is your lunch today?”

“It’s…good…”

“Is something wrong?” She doesn’t answer you.

You walk up beside her and place your hand on her head.

“Little kitten, why are you so skittish?”

She looks down and asks, “Have you talked to Karkitty yet?”

“He doesn’t seem to be very talkative of late. Do you know why?”

Silence again. She knows exactly why.

“Nepeta, please, if something’s wrong with him I want to know. Please?”

“Nothing’s wrong…well maybe. But if he doesn’t want to tell you I don’t want to do it for him…I’m sorry.”

You can’t be upset about that, it’s perfectly reasonable.

“Now don’t be sorry kitten, who could get mad at such a cutie?” you ask ruffling her hair. She makes her usual purring noise. “Enjoy your…” you take a few sniffs of the air “Hahaha! Tuna, what a shock.”

“Shut uuuppp!” she bats at you with her overly long sleeves.

You trail your finger down from her forehead to her nose and boop it before setting off to find suspect number 2, Sollux Captor.

Sollux Captor is locked away in the computer room no doubt. He long ago stole the key and made a duplicate. You politely knock on the door two times, and he answers.

“Oh fsfhit. Okay, come on, let’th get thith over with.” He opens the door for you to come in and you find a chair.

“Get what over with exactly?” You ask.

“Uh. Wait…why are you here?”

“To talk about Karkat. You seemed to have understood that.”

“Fuuck, okay yeah, don’t even get me thtarted. That thtupid athhole ith living in a goddamned fantathy world.”

“I…I’m afraid that doesn’t clarify much for me? What does that even mean?”

“Okay tho bathically he thinkth heth in one of hith thtupid athh romanthe novelth, you know?? He athumes that thingth will work out in the end, and he can’t theem to fucking grathp that real life ith fucking garbage and he’th jutht going to end up with nothing. But he can’t 2eem to pull hii2 HEAD out of hii2 A22 long enough to FUCKIING BREATHE AND PUMP 2OME FUCKIING OXYGEN TO HII2 TWII2TED BRAIIN!”

What…the fuck? What does that mean? What is he talking about?

“Sollux what the fuck are you talking about? Is this about our relationship??”

“OH FUCK. Fuck you don’t even fucking know do you? Fuck me, forget everything I jutht thaid.”

“Sollux what are you talking about?! What’s happening?!”

“Look I can’t jutht…Nepeta know’th the thtory thshe thaw it happen.” He gets up quickly and bolts for the door.

“Sollux Captor come back here and tell me! Sollux! SOLLUX PL34S3!” He was long gone. The computer lab door clicked shut, and you were left alone and a bit scared. What the hell is going on? Did something happen? Is it something you did? Is…is he going to break up with you? You can’t dwell on it; you need to talk to Nepeta again. You…you don’t want to, but you’re getting desperate, so you decide to trick her.

You step into the art room and call her name very tentatively. You make a face that says fear, and wait for her response.

“Oh…oh Terezi I’m so sorry!” She rushes over and hugs you. You are very caught off guard and now legitimately scared. “Mew poor thing…I can’t believe him..” Did you mention you’re scared? Because now you’re terrified, but you need to keep your composure and get her to tell you what’s going on.

“I wasn’t sure what the issue was so I went to see Sollux…and he told me what he knew. I just don’t understand though…he said you saw it first hand and that you could explain better.” You silently apologize to the poor girl.

“Well…”

“Please.”

“Okay, so..fur the past few mornings I noticed…”

\-----------------

Your alarm clock goes off and you hit the button. You weren’t asleep. You’ve been lying in bed all night flying back and forth between rage, fear, sadness, and desperation. Sometimes crying, sometimes just talking to yourself, as if you were your own shrink. You don’t know what to do, or how to deal with this. If what Nepeta told you was true…

“…Karkitty and Vwiskers were always at the library super early befur school would start. They nefur showed up at the same time, but always went to the back until the bell rang. One day I decided to go ofur and talk to them, but I stopped and hid behind the bookshelf beclaws…well, see, Vriska was sitting on the desk, almost right in front of Karkitty, and they were laughing together and…well it just s33med odd to me. So I stayed back a bit and listened to them. “Come oooooooon Karkles, what’re you afraid of? Just touch my legs, they’re so smooooooooth!” “Vriska I’m not going to touch your fucking legs.” “Oh no? Come on, just a little 8it..” “You can’t make me touch your god damned legs.” It was just so weird for them to be talking like that, and well…I was so curious! That was when she slid off the table and plopped down into his lap! “Now you’re touching my legs. What’re you gonna do Karkat?” “VRISKA I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING THROW YOUR ASS ON THE COLD FUCKING GROUND.” “Well SOMETHING’s already trying to push me off…so what happens when we get on the ground?” Then she puts her hand on his chin and leans in to kiss him! So here I am absolutely shocked by what I’m s33ing, and terrified that Vriska is about to get tossed through a bookshelf, when Karkat puts his hands on her hips and kisses her BACK! I was so confused that I thought maybe you two had broken up or something, so I went and asked Sollux about it and he stormed out of the room furious!”

You didn’t say anything back to her. You didn’t say anything to anyone the entire day. It took everything you had not to collapse on the ground and break apart. You looked for Sollux but you couldn’t find him anywhere. You avoided Karkat and Vriska with all your ability, and came straight home when school was done. You haven’t actually moved since you came home. You have school in two hours. You don’t want to go, more than anything else you don’t want to go. You tell your mother you’re sick, you can’t go in. She believes you, or at least humors your attempt to convince her, and you go to take a shower.

You stand there while the water rushes past your hair, and rolls down your body. Your hands come to your shoulders, and slowly you move them around. You feel your arms, your chest, your stomach and legs. You pinch and grab and try to figure out what parts of you could be so terrible? You wonder if maybe you’re actually what people would call fat? You really aren’t sure…you don’t know what to base it off of. You grab a handful of your stomach and ask yourself if that’s normal or not. Your chest isn’t really big…but it isn’t small. You’re pretty sure it isn’t at least. You touch your face lightly, feeling your cheekbones, outlining your jaw, measuring your brow and your nose. Are you ugly? Is your nose weird? Do you have big eyebrows? What about your smile? Is it cute? Is it weird? Do you look good in make-up? Aradia and Feferi always sit you down and do it for you. They tell you how pretty you look, but aren't they just being nice?

You walk downstairs in your pajamas to find something to eat. You’re starving and tired and you know you really need to eat. You find a box of leftover pizza, and take a slice. As you begin eating it you think about your belly in your hands. You think of how round your legs are, how squishy your arms are, and your stomach churns. You rush to find the trash can and throw up violently into it. You need to go to sleep. You lie down in your bed and close your eyes, your body is absolutely exhausted and you fall straight into a very deep sleep.

You wake up from your very deep sleep, at a time of day you have no possible way of knowing, because your phone is ringing. Your phone is ringing and since everyone has the same ringtone you don’t know who is calling you and whether you should answer it. You hold the phone and it stops ringing before you come to a conclusion. You are pretty much okay with that, and you hit the button that’s been programmed to activate voice recognition.

“Tell time.”

“7 pm.” Damn, alright.

“missed calls.”

“3 missed calls.” Oh, well, okay you guess you only heard the last one.

“Missed call from, Sollux, Sollux, Karkat.” Oh no…no okay yeah good call on not picking that up. Not something to handle right now. With all that sleep you can think far clearer than before. You are also far hungrier than before. You pocket your phone and head out once more to find something to eat. This time you opt for some fruit. Apples, red delicious apples, they’re your favorite kind of apple. This is disgusting to you right now, and you don’t want to even think about them. You choose a banana, good old bananas, half food, half deadly trap. You should just drop it somewhere in the house. Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll slip on it and break your neck!

You laugh under your breath and promptly collapse to the ground in tears. You scream and sob, rolled up in a ball, biting your hand so hard you taste blood. You scramble to your knees and half crawl, half run forwards, straight into some kitchen chairs. You crash into them full force and knock out one of your teeth. You lie on the ground; your face is pressed into a growing pool of tears, snot, and blood. You hate yourself. You hate your eyes, your body, your mind, and most important of all, you hate that you hate yourself. You just want to be normal. You want to see, you want to love yourself; you just don’t want to be broken anymore.

You pull yourself up. You wash off your face. You go back upstairs and lie down again in bed, with a sock in your mouth. You’ll have to find the tooth later. Your fit is over, the anger, and despair, it’s gone. It never does last too long, and you suppose that’s okay. You almost wish it would though, because the only thing that’s worse is the after, when you don’t feel. It’s empty, completely devoid of anything. Not sad, nor happy; not mad, scared, excited, up, down, not even just okay. Nothing is there and you..you just sit there.

Vriska. You left her of your own choice. You left her because after so many times of hearing she loved you, you never believed her. Then one day, you did. You believed she really truly did love you, and in that moment, you loved her back. You loved her, because she loved you when you couldn’t. She was wonderful, so confident and strong. Even without seeing her you know how brightly she shined. That’s why you left her. Such a beautiful light couldn’t have a hideous smudge like you. She could do better than you, infinitely better, and you wouldn’t dare be the reason that her light was tarnished.

Karkat. He had been your friend well before you started to go out. Though you call it friends, you had never really let him in. He knew nothing of your crippling self-doubt, and that’s because you wanted it that way. The character you played around others was important to your ability to make it through each day. After leaving Vriska, he reached out to you though. In your weakness your shield cracked, and he got a small glimpse of the monster in your head. He faced it though, and he built you up, making you believe things about yourself you had never once thought before. When Vriska attacked you, he somehow convinced you it wasn’t your fault; miraculously made you believe you didn’t deserve all of it. He was like a filter, cleaning all the bad blood from your body, making your heart pump like it never could.

Your blood is sour now. Your filter is gone; it’s now become film, placed in front of the light, stealing all that fought away the shadows. You know the truth, you always did. The truth is you aren’t a whole person, you aren’t enough for them. Karkat, and Vriska, the fact is, two incredible lives like theirs could only match each other’s. Something like this was always going to happen. It’s not your fate to have or find worth. You can only ever be a stepping stone to something better.

Your phone rings. You take it out and hit the answer button.

“Hello Karkat.”

“Oh. Um. Aaaaaaaactually…”

\-----------------

Your mom comes home and rushes into your room, to find you gazing into the ceiling like it wasn’t there. She went to the kitchen and found the mess you left on the floor, and went to find you thinking the worst. You tell her you slipped and slammed face first into a chair, knocking out your tooth. You also admitted you didn’t know where the tooth was, you were more interested in slowing the bleeding down. She seemed to believe you, though you’re certain she thinks there’s more to the story, and takes you to the dentist after hunting down your left canine. You’re rather thankful for the painkillers they give you, as the pain which had been dulled by emotion and shock, had been growing steadily unbearable. Being the caring mother she always has been, she takes you to the frozen yoghurt place downtown to cheer you up. The mixture of vanilla and strawberry really helps you forget that you’ve apparently been single for a week and a half.

 

“Vriska..?”

“Hi…um, so, are you sick or something?”

“Something like that. Yes.”

“lots of people were really worried about you today..”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you’re wondering why, of all the people out there, it would be me calling..”

“I am.”

“Okay, well, I know you won’t believe me, but I wanted to talk to you again. I wanted to..say I’m sorry for all the terrible shit I’ve done to you. There wasn’t any reason for me to act the way I have, I was immature, and nasty, and…and I was jealous. I was, okay? I was so damn jealous that you found someone else, and it just tore me to fuckin pieces, I didn’t know how to handle it, and I ended up hurting you. I’m so sorry Terezi..”

“Right.”

“Please! Terezi, I mean it! I really really loved you, I did, and I never understood why you left me and I just snapped! I treated the whole damned thing like some fuckin ten year old throwing a fit! I don’t expect you to just let it all go, but I want us to be friends again! I know things are really tense with everyone right now. Friendships are being strained, and…I know you two only broke up like, 10 days ago, but, I think I really like Karkat…he makes me feel like I’m not the sum of my achievements. He’s really sweet, and…oh, shit, I’m SO sorry! I shouldn’t talk about this right now..I just. I just want us to be friends, like we should have been in the first place. Like you and Karkat stayed friends.”

“…”

“Hello? Terezi please still be there..”

_“Friends, huh?”_

“Oh, geez, Terezi are you really that sick? It sounds like you’re losing your voice!”

_“Oh. No. I’ll be. Fine.”_

“You sure? I’m not keeping you awake am I?”

_“No. no.”_

“Liar! You can’t fool me, I’m not that dumb remember???????? I’m gonna let you rest but...please consider what I said? I know I don’t deserve it but I wanted to try anyways..I really miss you. I always missed you. Oh fuck, listen to me, you can pro8a8ly hear the lump in my throat haha…It was really nice to just talk to you normally though. Even just a little. I’m sorry about all the stuff going on these days, but you know it’s always one step back, and two steps forward! Okay I’ll go now, sorry..”

_“Vriska.”_

“Yes?”

_“Let’s do coffee.”_

“Okay!!!!!!!! We can plan it tomorrow though! You need to go to sleep! Can’t chat over coffee with no voice!!!!!!!!”

_“Okay.”_

“Goodnight! Get 8etter!!!!!!!!”

_“Night.”_

 

You didn’t cry for very much longer after that though. At one point you started wondering if you might be getting dehydrated. This made you laugh, and then cry more. Then staring at the ceiling, mom comes home, frozen yoghurt, we did this part.

Somehow, you aren’t mad at her at all. You didn’t know why you weren’t mad at her before, but now something’s coming together. Pieces are clicking you know? If she weren’t so belligerently ecstatic about your offer to see each other, you would have written the whole thing off as gloating for taking your man. She was sincere though. She so casually brought him up, as if it were something absolutely normal. Ten days? Still friends? The tone of that piece leads you to believe she has a different story than you do, and you don’t like to admit you know her source.

The situation has changed; this didn’t just take its natural course. This may not be a matter of you being left behind. Vriska is far too confident in herself to understand that people aren’t always what they seem. If what you think is happening, is really happening, you may be guilty of the same line of thinking.

Your mind has changed. Your conflicts have shifted. Your path is laid down. Your investigation is under way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 will return to Vriska if I continue


	4. Vriska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we go back to Vriska now.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3: Vriska

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s happening, oh my god, it’s actually gonna happen! You didn’t wait to get your coffee, or the next four, and you’re sort of on edge, but you’re really nervous, and you have a lot of energy, and you’ve probably had too much caffeine, but it’s just some pretty good coffee, and you wonder when she’s gonna show up, or if you should get another coffee, or maybe order two coffees so maybe you can have one ready when she shows up, but you don’t know what she drinks now, and you’re just so worried about how this is gonna go down, and you don’t want to be presumptuous and annoy her, that’s the last thing you wanna do is be over the top or do anything that might bother her, after all you finally get to hang out with her again!

The table in front of you is covered in shreds of napkins, as your fingers have grown increasingly more tired of stagnation and taken up activities such as playing with, or in this case destroying, anything they come into contact with. You believe there are about 14 torn apart napkins on the table in front of you, and the barista won’t stop staring like he’s personally offended. What, were they HIS napkins? Was he going to use these napkins to propose to his fuckin girlfriend? Well, guess what, napkins are a shitty way to propose.

“HEY BUDDY, NAPKINS ARE A SHITTY WAY TO PROPOSE!!!!!!!!”

Yeah, okay, you aren’t entirely sure what possessed you to yell that at him, and now he’s looking at you like you’re possessed. Where is Terezi? You really really really really really really really really hope she wasn’t just leading you on with this meet up. You wouldn’t be shocked though, what reason does she even have to actually show up? You did pretty much steal her boyfriend, but you weren’t trying to! I mean, yeah, you were trying to, but like before, that stopped being the objective it just sorta happened, you know? You weren’t doing it out of spite though! Anymore! He just understood, and he cared, and he listened, and he sympathized, and shit, since you two really started being more serious your family hasn’t been able to make you cry even once! That’s fucking crazy, and maybe you don’t know how crazy that is, but it’s pretty damned crazy, like it used to happen all the time and you thought you were garbage, but he just says all the right things and you just feel so good now!

Oh gosh she’s here she showed up oh god oh gosh! You get up and wave at her and what the fuck you stupid bimbo she’s blind what are you an idiot?? Should you call her over here or just go get her? You’ll just go get her, yeah that’s best, walk walk walking walk MOVE DOUCHEBAG wallllkkkkkkk oh my god what do I say when I reach her oh god I reached her oh GOD why did drink all that coffee oh god I’m just standing here now not talking does she know I’m just standing here???

“…Vriska? It’s you right?”

“YEAH. Yeah no it’s me sorry I was just I was walking over here and I didn’t really decide how I was gonna greet you so I got here and I just sorta froze and was just sorta standing sorry!”

“Vriska? How much coffee have you had?”

“Oh gosh, that’s the question of the day huh?”

“Do you need any help, need to hold my hand so you don’t get lost?”

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up, come on.”

You grab her hand and oh gosh YOU GRABBED HER HAND oh god you hope you’re not blushing while you take her to sit down. Her hands are so soft, they always were, oh gosh. You sit across from each other and she doesn’t say anything just sorta sits there looking sort of confused and cute, she’s always cute though, oh geez you’re probably blushing again, she probably sees you blushing, no, fuck, she’s blind, she can’t see anything hahahaha!

“Vriska what’s all over this table?”

“OH THAT, hahahaha, sorry I sorta went to town on a bunch of napkins, I was just sitting here drinking down coffee, and waiting, and bored, and napkins, and now it’s like snow!”

“Holy shit Vriska, you need to calm yourself. I mean, really, are you okay?”

“Am I okay???????? Psshhh, please, I am gonna be just fine after I go to the bathroom oh my fucking god I have to pee so god damned bad.”

“Okay..”

You are a mess Serket, a neurotic mess, what is happening?? You need to calm, the fuck, down. Breathe. Breeeeeeeeaaaaaaaathe. Okay. Okay okay. Clear head. Steady heart rate. Empty bladder. You got this. Let’s go. She’s gone, oh fucking lord she’s gone WHAT DID YOU DO YOU STUPID BITCH WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF WORTHLESS TRASH YOU YoU y

She’s getting coffee, of course she’s getting coffee, this is a coffee shop, we came out for coffee, why wouldn’t she get coffee, Jesus Christ you feel like you’re about to cry. Just sit and wait patiently for her to come back.

You patiently waited for her to come back, and also tore up more napkins. She sits with her coffee and and crosses her arms.

“Vrisk-”

“TEREZI IM SORRY.”

“Oh, uh, alright. I guess we can start there.”

“You didn’t deserve anything I put you through. You still don’t. You’re an amazing, incredible person, and I was a worthless mess about you leaving me, and I don’t deserve to have someone as strong and wonderful as you forgive me, but I’m selfish and needy and I want to be friends!”

Oh no, what is this face she’s making? It’s like, confusion mixed with shock?? Good god, she’s fucking disgusted with you! Well shit, you would be too, god damn it…

“Do you really mean that..?”

“What do you mean? Of course I do!!!!!!!! Terezi, I loved you, and I probably won’t stop loving you for a very long time, maybe not even ever! I don’t want you to hate me! I don’t want to completely lose you, I’m so sorry!”

Oh, oh oh no, oh no, she’s crying what did you do???

“Oh god, no, please don’t cry, please Terezi don’t cry..” oh god now you’re gonna cry.

“No, it’s not that..”

“What is it?”

She’s smiling. She’s crying and she’s smiling! That’s good! Right? You think that’s good!

“I couldn’t bear to lose you either Vriska.” She says with a smile, and she reaches across the frosted snowy landscape you created to take your hand and you just. Fucking. LOSE IT. You break into tears and blubber and sniff and you fall forward into the napkins holding her hand. Then she puts her other hand on your head and starts stroking your hair and it feels so nice.

“I missed you, you venomous bitch.”

“I missed you too, you stuffy lizard. I missed you so much.”

You don’t want to move. You just wanna stay like this. This is nice. This is all you want.

“Vriska.” No, don’t take your hand away..

“Hmm?”

“We need to talk about Karkat.”

\-----------------

UUUUrrrggghhhbblblbuullueeeehhhhhhhhhhh shit you just KNOW this conversation is gonna suck no matter how it ends. Like, right, wrong, or even whether anyone cares it was still a really shitty thing to do and you know it damn well. You sorta purse your lips and take a deep breath before looking her right in the eyes and

“I wasn’t trying to-”  
“I think we need to-”

“Oh sorry, go ahead!”

She clears her throat and you can practically see the heavy shit she’s about to drop.

“I think Karkat might be fucking with both of us.”

That’s, uh. Hmm. What?

“What?”

“You told me you two only started going out when we broke up right?”

“Yes I swear! I really truly wouldn’t do anything with him as long as you two were still together! I promise!!!!!!!!”

“Vriska, no it isn’t about that.”

“Oh, it, wait it isn’t? What are we talking about then?”

“Vriska, Karkat and I never broke up. Not that I’ve heard of at least.”

“What?”

What?????????

“WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!”

Wait he’s playing me? He’s playing both of us!? That son of a bitch!

“That’s pretty much the reaction I expected to hear.”

What the hell is he trying to achieve??? I wasn’t enough for him, huh!?!?!?!?

“Vriska, do you need a minute? Too much coffee? Need to take a piss?”

“No Terezi, I just, I’m really, I swear I had no idea, I swear to whatever god will hold me to it, he told me you weren’t a thing anymore!”

“I know, I understand, calm the hell down. He lied to you, it’s not your fault. I know, well, at least now I know, you wouldn’t do anything with him if you knew it would hurt me..”

Oh no, that bashful look on her face. She embarrassed herself when she realized how much she really believed in you. You just want to jump across the table and cover her in kisses and nuzzle her till she tries to make you stop, and you’d just love to see her try…which makes it all the more awkward that you totally fooled around with Karkat when you knew damn well they were going out before. No bullshit, you have had some pretty crazy make out sessions with that guy, before he ever told you he broke it off with her for you.

She’s gotten herself so flustered she stopped talking, holding her coffee in both hands on the table. The opening in the lid isn’t even facing the right way. You lean over and turn it to face her, and then lay your hands on the coffee over hers.

“Terezi, he told me he ended it with you for my sake. That may be hard to hear, but he told me he’d chosen me over you, and that he was doing that as his last proof. That’s why I started making earnest advances. I thought I was pursuing an unspoken for Karkat. After that huge escalation between us a while ago, I settled down and promised to never hurt you again. Because hurting someone I loved so much was only hurting myself even more.”

Her fingers twitch beneath yours. They separate themselves to line up between your own and she blushes furiously before pulling her coffee to her lips, drinking it all in one go, and then insisting she needs a new one. For a girl who’s all business she sure does get consumed in her feelings pretty easily. She comes back, new coffee in hand, and once again composed and professional. You can’t help but think how ridiculous she is. Ridiculously HOT waZOW HAHAHA woo! She’s perfect and you need her to live.

“Okay, Vriska.” She takes her seat again. “We have clearly established that Karkat is up to something. It could be as simple as wanting to juggle two girls at once, but that doesn’t sound like Karkat to me. As far as I know at the very least.”

There it is, the prosecutor has revealed the perpetrator. He’s as good as in cuffs at this point, with her one track mind for justice. Is it wrong to lead her on like this? I mean, yeah it’s wrong, but you aren’t really hurting her right? I mean you’re not in the right here, but neither is Karkat and, lets be honest here, you aren’t gonna lose any sleep if those two never talk again. If you can monopolize her, you’ll toss a few people under the bus. He seems more than happy with just you anyways. At least he’s never complained when the lights turned off and the covers started rolling hahaha, oh geez, man, woooo.

“Vriska, why are you giggling..?”

“Am I giggling? Sorry you’re just so cute when you start with the whole courtroom shtick.”

“You don’t seem too broken up about this right now.”

“No, I just, sorry okay? I’ve been a giddy, happy mess ever since I saw you come in. I’ve just missed you so goddamn much. Being lied to by him is nothing compared to being with you like this again.”

She sort of coughs sheepishly, and brushes the hair off her forehead.

“So you’d be happy if we got together more often then..?”

“Nothing would make me happier, your honor.”

“Shut up, spider bitch.”

“Ruuuuuuude!”

You spend the next while avoiding the topic of Karkat and talking about everything else that’s been happening while your relationship had been strained. When you two finally leave it’s because you tell her you have plans you need to take care of. She tells you she’ll call you later to see when you two want to hang out next, and you hug her goodbye. She tenses up at first, then squeezes you tightly before briskly walking away.

You’re full of energy and good vibes. You’re practically dancing down the street as you walk up the stairs to the third floor of the apartment buildings. You knock on the door and do a little jig while you wait, humming a jaunty tune. Karkat answers the door and you jump forward and kiss him exuberantly, which rewards you with a shocked and surprised look. Before he can say anything you grab his hand and start pulling him down the hallway.

“It’s impolite to make a lady wait, Karkles! Especially when it’s time for lights out!”

\-----------------

Yes you may be playing the same game as Karkat, but that doesn’t make you a bad person, does it? All you’re doing is making two people happy at the same time as yourself. Happiness for them, double happiness for you, where’s the negative here? What is Karkat’s game anyways? You suppose it wouldn’t be hard to get the answer out of him yourself, but Terezi seems intent on playing the long game here. She isn’t going to confront him about it, which you don’t entirely understand, but you’ll play with her. What’s with all these game references, this is real life, adult problems, not little kiddie kid games. Well, real adult problems aside, it’s not like you aren’t completely content with the situation as it is. You still wanna know his plans though, just in case it’s something that’s gonna fuck you over in the end.

You know just where to start looking too. Karkat has had two friends he’s known longer than anyone else, ever since he was still a kid. Nepeta should be the obvious option, but she isn’t really all about you. You don’t have a bad relationship with her, you just, don’t have a good one per-se. Gamzee on the other hand is an open book, and probably wouldn’t shut his flap if you asked him to. So basically, easy score!

Well you thought it was going to be easy but sweet fucking lord where the hell is he??? No one’s seen him, he wasn’t in his class, he wasn’t in the hallways during break, you know people have seen him here earlier, but he isn’t here now! All this running around has left you agitated and now you have to pee. You charge over to the bathroom and jesus FUCKING CHRIST. HE’S IN THE WOMENS BATHROOM. HE’S JUST STARING AT THE STALLS CONFUSED.

“Gamzee what the fuck are you doing in here????????”

“Motherfuck, sis! What the hell are YOU doin in here?”

“This is the girl’s room you idiot!”

“Bullshit. Nuh uh. Holy damn sis, that sure as shit explains where all the urinals up and fuckin went!”

This might just be impossible. Not to get what you want out of him, just to. To even fucking deal with him.

“Hey you know what, whatever, we all make mistakes.”

“Shit sis, you sure preach a kind forgiveness!”

“Yeah yeah, thanks. Hey Gamzee I’ve actually been trying to find you all day.”

“And isn’t just the most righteous of divine favors that you find me all up and motherfuckin lost myself.”

“…I guess so? Anyways…I was wondering if you’ve heard some of the gossip around?”

“I hear some truly twisted shit roamin these halls, you gotta be more specific than that.”

“You know, relationship stuff! Anybody sweet on eachother? Maybe some rumors about cheating?”

“Aw, sis, you know this establishment is home to the hearts of many fine motherfuckin children, all about givin away their souls for each another. There’s love everywhere my beautiful sister.”

“Yeah but, okay yeah I know, this is a high school, but I mean, anything you heard about people near to you? Anyone you know?”

“Every motherfuckin soul in this school is near to me. To segregate the beautiful smiles of my friends would be a blasphemy to my own love.”

“Okay yeah, so tell me about what’s going on with Karkat. What is he doing these days? What’s he up to? Got any nasty secrets he’s been sharing????????”

“Now you just hold on one motherfuckin minute, I may love everyone equally but Karkat is the brother nearest to my heart, and I will not relinquish the belief he holds in me. I am not a bank to loan out a brother’s secrets, I am a safe haven to which he may confide all his darkness.”

“Well fuckin fine! I guess you know all about the darkness he’s carrying between me and Terezi huh?!”

“A man’s love is large and ever reachin. He does him, and what he does is sacred to me. You understand sis?”

That was fucking USELESS. WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WOULD WORK!? And you STILL HAVE TO PEE!

“Gamzee get the fuck out of the girl’s room!!!!!!!!”

“As you request, have a beautiful day.”

FUCK. YOU. YOU CREEPY ASS PIECE OF SHIT CLOWN. FUCKCKCUCKCK.

Okay so that didn’t work at all so I guess it’s time to try and talk to Nepeta. You skip lunch and go straight to the art room where she always is, all the time, alone as usual. You walk through the door and she looks up at your surprised. Then. What the fuck was that face? Did she just roll her eyes at you?

“Well hello, Vwiskers.”

Geez don’t pull something faking that smile.

“Hi! What’s up?”

“Oh…mew know. Art.”

“That’s cool, that’s cool. Whatcha drawin?”

“Just a character I like.”

“Yeah? What are they from?”

“Get to the point, Serket.”

Fussy kitty bitch. The fuck crawled up her tight ass?

“Alright so you’ve known Karkat a long time right?”

“Yeah?”

“Well you know about all the shit going down right now, right??”

“I am furry well aware.”

“Well get this. He told me a while ago that he broke up with Terezi. Me and Terezi got together and had a long ass discussion about this whole fiasco. Well Terezi tells me it never happened. He never told her about me, and he told me he broke it off with her for me! So basically I’m trying to figure out what the fuck he’s thinking, you know????????”

She stares at her drawing pad for a while, then lets out a deep, deep sigh. She looks out the window and scratches her head while tapping her pencil on the desk. Just, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, looking out the window. Like, hello?

“Well?”

“Well, what.”

“You don’t believe me do you?”

“No…no I believe mew. I just…I’m not really surprised, I guess.”

“What the fuck do you mean? “Not surprised?””

“It’s…I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Well why the fuck not?!?!?!?!”

“Beclaws! This isn’t a confursation to have right now! We’ll talk about it after school. With Terezi.”

“Okay fine. After school with Terezi, I’ll make it happen. You promise you’re gonna show up?”

“I purromise. M33t me at the coff33 shop down the str33t. Now get out. You’re ruining the atmosfur.”

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. Bitch bitch bitch. Fuck you, you cat obsessed freak. Aagghhhhhh fucking fuck, where the fuck’s Terezi?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter obvs has Nepeta in it, but its not gonna be the Nepeta chapter. Next chapter jumps right back to Terezi


	5. Terezi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First two parts, gonna write the third part when I'm more sad. And probably drunk. Which is when I'll undoubtedly be more sad. Also lots of Nepeta in this part.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 4: Terezi

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay apparently Vriska made some plans with Nepeta to talk about Karkat. You weren’t even aware Nepeta liked Vriska? You were quite sure they were not on very good terms at all. Actually you were never really sure they had much of a relationship but whatever, you suppose. You and Vriska are heading over to the Java Lava where they were evidently told to meet her. This is really a good idea though, you think. Nepeta is one of Karkat’s oldest friends, if not the oldest, and according to Vriska’s description of her reaction to the present situation, it seems very likely you could get some valuable information regarding Karkat’s behavior.

She’s waiting for both of you outside and suggests getting some coffee before heading over to the nearby park. You head inside, get to the counter, and order your drinks. Nepeta orders a tall Americano, black. You didn’t even think Nepeta drank coffee, let alone something so strong. You head over to the park and find an unoccupied picnic table, and Nepeta promptly takes her seat on top of it.

Then she reaches into her coat and Vriska gasps as she apparently pulls out a pack of cigarettes?! You have to admit you haven’t seen Nepeta outside of school, but seriously? This just seems so unlike how you pictured her! Even Vriska seems shocked, but she lights one up and offers one to the both of you. You politely decline but Vriska takes the offer.

“I mean, yeah I’ve never even thought about smoking before, but fuck it! It’s a time for new things in my life!”

“Hmmmm, well, purrhaps you shouldn’t start with blacks, but whatever.”

Vriska then proceeds to take what seems to be an incredibly hard drag and immediately starts sputtering and gagging.

“It’s not a replacement fur breathing, just take small pulls.”

Vriska fires off a glare, but takes her advice and smokes much softer. Nepeta takes one more long drag and sips her coffee, before looking at the both of you.

“What all do mew know about Karkitty’s past?”

“Well I know his mother died when he was still very young, and his father raised him.”

“Yeah, then he remarried some heartless crone and kicked the bucket too.”

“Right, and he’s pretty much just raised himself from that point on.”

She nods and takes another drag and sits there silently. You decide to move forward yourself.

“So, Nepeta, exactly how long have you known Karkat?”

“Karkitty and I met when he was about eight. I was the furst friend he’d ever made. Gamz33 only met him when he was eleven.”

“You were the first friend he ever made? I know Karkat’s not a very social person, but has he been like that since he was young?”

“…How much has he told mew about his pawther?”

“What do you mean? He’s told me that his dad loved him more than anything in the world.”

“He said his dad poured enough love into him for three parents after his mom died. Like a crazy amount of affection.”

“That’s purrhaps one of the biggest understatements you can make about his pawthers “love”.”

“I’m confused, did his dad, like, abuse him or some shit?”

“That would make sense I suppose, he definitely wouldn’t talk about something like that…”

“No, no, I mean, you could defurnitely call what happened abuse, but not how you’re thinking.”

See, now, this is definitely worth hearing. You are very interested in Karkat’s past, he was always so vague about things. Vriska taps her foot impatiently, apparently used to her cigarette already.

“Well spit it out! What happened????????”

“Calm your fangs Vwiskers, it’s like this. When his mom died his pawther purretty much became a paranoid mess. He was terrified of losing Karkitty like her, so he purrotected him. Only, it was less safety meowsures, and more like locking him away from the world. He nefur let him go outside, didn’t let him talk to anyone, and always had an eye on him. Whenefur he couldn’t keep him in sight, he locked him in his bedroom, which consisted of nofang more than a bare mattress and a picture of his mom.”

“Holy fucking shit. What the everloving fuck was wrong with him? No one noticed or called child services or anything????????”

“No one knew it was happening. He was a very furriendly man who got along with everyone.”

“Karkat didn’t think anything was wrong with what was happening?”

“Karkitty was kept like that since he was furry young, and didn’t know it was odd.”

This is something you never even imagined. He seems so balanced now though, regardless of it all. Well, maybe not, considering recent circumstances, maybe he has some serious issues.

“Okay cat-girl, if all that shit is true how did he meet you?”

“I was his next door neighbor. A young girl his age who hardly talked and didn’t have furriends either. His pawther eventually decided I was safe enough to have around. I wasn’t allowed into their house, beclaws he was still worried, but we would play in the backyard. Hiss backyard of course, not mine. It seemed so peculiar, even as a kid, to see Karkitty look around and play in the grass like he’d never experienced it befur. You know, beclaws he hadn’t. It’s really sad even meow to think about. Even when I wasn’t there he became allowed in his backyard with supervision. We would talk to eachother through the fence. I would talk about school and my kitty, and he would listen with baited breathe.”

“This is so incredibly fucked up. I mean, this is seriously almost horrifying. I can’t imagine something like that actually happening.” You really really can’t. That that would really happen, and to someone you thought you knew so well.

“It happens a lot actually, you’d be surprised. Mew just don’t hear about it.”

“It’s just another kind of abuse I guess? I mean, hell, my family is absolute trash, and they treat me and everyone else like shit, but I mean, maybe I actually got lucky?”

“Need another smoke?”

“Yes.”

“I think I might take that offer now as well.”

She chuckles half-heartedly and hands you one. Vriska seems to be waiting for hers to no avail.

“What? You just asked if I wanted another one!”

“Magic word, purrlease.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, okay, can I PLEASE have another one????????”

“You may!”

Vriska takes it and Nepeta lights it for her, and does the same for you.

“Purretty ladies don’t light their own cigarettes.”

“Sometimes I wanna hit you for the shit you say, but you’re just too fuckin cute cat-girl.”

“Yeah, and because you don’t want to get your ass beaten into the ground.”

“What the fuck ever, shut the hell up you lizard!”

With that Nepeta giggles and lights up her own.

“Now, you know that his pawther remarried when he was ten. With someone else in the picture, Karkitty gained a bit more fr33dom. Not a lot, but defurnitely more. As you also know, the accident happened soon after the marriage. Karkitty moved away to live with his step-mother, who didn’t care much fur him. He was completely free from then on. Free to step into a world he was completely unfurmiliar with. I got to see him still, since he would come over all the time. I was the only person he got along with howefur, and he was always getting into fights. He was alone and didn’t know how to deal with the world he was tossed into. I was the only one who was there fur him, until one day he got into something too big fur him to handle, and I wasn’t around to step in. Things were getting bad, but suddenly another kid, a surprisingly big kid, stepped into the fight and tried to end it. Purreaching love and furgiveness didn’t go ofur well and one of the kids took a swing at him. The fight quickly ended with the group of them running away in terror.”

“Wait, no, don’t tell me, that’s where Gamzee showed up. There isn’t a chance in hell that isn’t Gamzee.”

“No Vriska, it wasn’t Gamzee, it wasn’t even a big kid, it was actually a very small clergy member who saw the trouble and decided to help.”

Nepeta laughed at that, but Vriska just blew smoke into your face. You kicked her shin in response.

“The running away in terror part seems a little out of character though.”

“To the drug addled pawt head you know now purrhaps, but back then Gamzee had terrifying anger problems.”

“…I can see it.”

“No you can’t”

That one was awarded a cane to her ass. Once more Nepeta laughs gleefully.

“Anyways, Gamz33 stuck to Karkitty like glue from that point on. Karkitty hated him at furst, if only beclaws Gamz33 was the only purrson he’d ever met at that point who nefur reacted to anything he said. Sure enough though, Gamz33 became one of his best furriends, and I had to spend far more time with the bastard than I efur wanted to.”

“There’s one thing we agree on cat-girl, that obnoxious clown can choke on his own peace and love toting tongue. I can’t stand being around that guy for more than two minutes.”

“Actually, I much prefur the Gamz33 we have meow. Befur, he was an insufferable asshole. I hated his guts more than anything. I’d gotten into more than one situation with him that involved bruises and blood.”

Dear, sweet, loving Gamzee? Somehow, you can still completely see that. There is just, not a doubt in your head that he was like that. In fact, it doesn’t seem so farfetched that he could still be like that were he ever completely sober. You don’t have anything that makes you think like that you just…believe it.

“Even befur though, he’s always b33n one helluva guy to smoke with, haha.”

“Wait, smoke with? You don’t mean like cigarettes do you. You mean like actually smoking weed???”

She’s completely silent. Not a single word. You aren’t even sure you can hear her breathing.

“Nepeta??”

“I…I didn’t really mean to tell you that, I just, totally furgot who I was talking to. Yeah, I uh, I’ve been smoking fur quite a while. Don’t let that spread around though, seriously. If my cousin were to hear that he would be so pissed off. He is not someone you want pissed off.”

“Oh yeaaaaaaaah that really buff dude with the greasy hair and the sunglasses! I forgot you two were cousins!”

“I swear to fucking god, Vriska, if you open your skank ass mouth I will beat your ass so furrickin bad you won’t even remember your name much less what I just told you.”

Vriska shut right the hell up after that. You really wish you could see her face, you want to know what expression she makes when she’s about to piss herself.

\-----------------

“Okay, yeah, so get to the fuckin point, why is this so unsurprising?”

Vriska is crass, and impolite, but makes a fair point. What exactly makes this childhood dilemma so pertinent to the situation at hand?

“Love to Karkitty is…a strange concept. Fur most of his life, he received a lifetime of love, albeit twisted love, and nothing else. His pawther’s love was all that he had, and then he had nothing. No other source of affection, and no good outlet fur his own. He just wasn’t furmiliar with the idea of…healthy relationships. He nefur searched for another outlet either fur the longest time. He wasn’t aromantic just…romantically challenged? Only a few years ago did he start really forming meaningful bonds with new people.”

“So, what your saying is, he doesn’t actually love either of us? Not in the way that we think he does?”

“No, I guess, if I were to really put it into focus…Karkitty has purrobably fallen in love with Vwiskers. He also purrobably loves you still too, just as much. It may seem weird, and not genuine, but I’m sure he really does love you both. As fur his actions recently…well…”

“Well what????????”

She pauses to light another cigarette. She offers once more, and once more, you both take one, and she lights both for you. You rather actually enjoy the taste. Smoky and bitter, but you like it nonetheless.

“Karkitty’s basis for healthy relationships come from his relationship with me, and with Gamz33. Those are just furriendships though. The only refurence he’s had fur romance is…you know, romcoms.”

It just fucking made sense. It just all made complete fucking sense. You can already basically tell what’s going through his head. You feel really really stupid right now. You’re in a bad love movie. Christ. Now Sollux’s outburst from back then makes total sense to you.

“Romcoms.”

“Yeah.”

“Fucking, romcoms?”

“Yup, and mew know just what kind of trash he likes to watch.”

“He’s trying to put us into a love triangle Vriska.”

“A love triangle?! Does he think this is some shitty love movie????????”

“That’s apparently exactly what he thinks.”

“Love triangles end with one or the other in those movies, don’t they?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“So what’s his goal?? Is he just trying to stack us up next to each other???”

“Maybe in his indecision he’s hoping to put us through some set of trials to see who comes out in the end as the better choice?”

“I am gonna 8EAT his ass!!!!!!!!”

“Okay, okay, guys, I understand why you could come to that conclusion, but to be purrfectly honest? I’ve known him fur so long, and yeah, he’s purretty fucked up, but he isn’t the kind of purrson to actually hurt people like that. Especially not two people he obviously loves so much. To put it simply, he’s too big of a sap.”

“Then what do you think he’s trying to do?”

“If I had to guess, I’d say he’s purrobably trying to figure out how to make this into a thr33 way relationship.”

That…makes sense. Sort of? I mean, yeah, I don’t think he’d actually do anything to hurt either of us. Not on purpose, at least. Add that to the fact that he clearly has no solid concept of relationships, apparently, and it’s perfectly reasonable that he’d think that way, but still…Vriska isn’t saying anything either. You don’t notice any agitated quirks or movements. Is she not bothered by this idea?

“Okay kitty-girl, after all this time, what exactly is your relationship with him?”

“Well…I mean…I’ve had a crush on Karkitty fur a furry long time…but I never tried to make anything of it…beclaws I didn’t know if anything could be made of it. Since, you know, the way he is…but we’re still furry good friends!”

Wait oh my…oh my god. Nepeta is totally in love with Karkat I can’t believe I forgot about that and we just came waltzing up and asked her to fix our relationship issues. Our issues with the guy she likes. The one who apparently loves two girls at once, neither of which are her. Oh my god.

“Nepeta I am so sorry. I…I wasn’t thinking about you at all, I just wanted to get some answers about all this and I didn’t even think about how it could feel listening to all this!”

“No it’s okay, really, don’t worry about it!”

“Wow, yeah. I totally didn’t think about that either. I feel like a total bitch.”

“It’s fine, I purromise.”

“No, it’s not fine, it was really shitty of us, Nepeta.”

“Yeah, seriously. Like, hey I know you’re crazy about this guy but we’ve got this issue about him getting action from both of us, and we want you to help. Like, damn. Talk about rubbin salt in that unopen wound, huh?”

“Jesus Christ, Vriska, seriously?”

“What!”

“Well, I mean, it’s not like I don’t get any purrks from our relationship…”

That just won yet another long silence, peppered only with some embarrassed squirming on her end.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, I mean, Karkitty may not understand romance, but…doesn’t mean he wasn’t still a boy…”

Woah. I. What?

“So wait, you’ve slept with Karkat????????”

“Well…let’s just say, that you two aren’t the furst girls he’s gone out with…and befur and between them all…we sorta, uh, help eachother out?”

Wow. This. This is definitely a day of learning new things. Lots of new things. About Karkat and Nepeta.

“Oh shit! Fuck yeah girl, get it!”

That would be the distinct sound of a high five between her and Vriska. I guess, I mean, there’s definitely nothing wrong with that. You’re not like, appalled or anything, just…shocked. You did not know this girl at all. You did not know Karkat at all. Fuck, do you know anything about anyone?

Maybe you have a lot of things to rethink. Maybe everything, because clearly you don't pick up on nearly as much as you thought you did.

"Could I try it?"

"I don't know...I mean, with just mew? I'm not sure that's quite my idea of a purrfect time."

"Oh come on! I'm all hellsa fun!"

"Sorry I must have missed something, what are we talking about now?"

"Vwiskers was asking if I could get her high."

"VR1SK4!!!!"

"What! I just wanna try! I'm becoming a new person, and I wanna try new things! It's not a big deeeeaaaal!"

"Vriska, I...I don't want to tell you you cant but...are you sure this is something you'd want to do? What if you got caught? You'd be killed!"

"How exactly am I gonna get caught???????? It's totally safe, right Nepeta?"

Nepeta sort of just pushes air through her lips.

"I don't see why not. Sort of a thing with my family, we smoke a lot. Not like we rat anyone out."

"I don't know, Vriska.."

"Why don't you come too!"

"What?? Me? No, no that's, I couldn't, I.."

"You what? You don't wanna have fun? Too uptight to wind down? Hell I think it'd be good for you!"

"I...I don't, do that sort of stuff though, I never have! I can't just start.."

"Wellllllll why not?"

"Because...because, I don't know but, but!"

"Shhhhhhhhhh Terezi, don't mew even fret. Ya don't have to do anyfang mew don't want to. I'll leave the invitation open if you decide to join us though, okay?"

"Shit, so we are gonna smoke?? Yeeeeeeeees!"

"Thank you Nepeta, I'll...think about it."

"Yeah, sure, sure. I have someplace to be though, if mew'll excuse me. It was a pleasure talking ladies, hope I could be of some help."

You said your goodbyes and stood by as she walked away, then Vriska cut in.

"She is so fucking cool. Holy shit, why didn't I know how cool she was."

"I'm not sure anyone knew."

"Right!? But hey whatever, now what?"

"Uh, I don't know, what do you mean?"

"I don't know, do you wanna hang out? Since we're already together?"

"Well...uh." You do want to. Hang out with Vriska that is. Spend more time with her. This whole thing has you all turned around though, and maybe you'd best sit on it for a while.

"Sorry Vriska, I need to head home and...think for a bit."

"No that's okay! I totally get it, its a lot to wrap your head around! We can call it a raincheck!"

"Oh..haha, okay yeah, a raincheck. We'll hangout another time."

Your face feels hot now. Why does she have to sound so excited to be with you? Why are you so stupid..

"Maybe bring the crab along too!" she says, nudging you with her elbow.

"I mean, I don't know about you but in theory this three way relationship doesn't sound like a bad deal!"

She can't be serious can she..? Stay with Karkat..and go out with her too? Why...why would they want to do that? Why do they insist on keeping you around?? Why does it make you want to cry??? You start to shake as you hold back tears and Vriska reacts loudly.

"Woah, hey! I'm sorry, I was just playing around! Please don't cry, please!"

She hugs you tightly and once the shock subsides you hug her back. She smells like cigarettes and perfume. Sweet like sugar, but fire underneath, just like her. You breathe her in one last time very deeply and your head spins. You are so fucked up. Then she pulls away from you and taps her forehead against yours.

"We'll figure this all out okay? Whatever you decide will make you happy, we'll do. You're all that really matters to me."

Don't kiss her, oh god don't kiss her. Oh GOD, don't let HER kiss YOU. Your heart is racing and you have to leave so you push off of her and turn around.

"Thank you Vriska, it means a lot to me to hear you say that. Really, it does. You shouldn't worry about me though, I'm not worth your trouble."

"Don't you give me that shit. If I choose to worry about you and pamper you that's my choice and I'm gonna do what I wanna do, and you KNOW that!"

You chuckle. That's true.

"I'll call you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay! Bye Terezi! Till tonight!!!!!!!!"

You retrace your steps from the park to the shop back to school to get your bearings back and head home. This whole thing is absurd. Why does Vriska still love you so much??? You should have broken her heart! You...you did break her heart, you smashed it to pieces! She acts like it never happened! Like you didn't throw it back on the ground in front of her and run. She just dusted it off and wants to give it back..? Can you take it this time? What about Karkat? Does she even really love him?? Does he love her? Or you, for that matter? God, everything is so confusing and theres too much to think about. Your head hurts. Your heart hurts. You wonder if maybe pot does anything for that.


End file.
